Navigating Success, Struggle, and the Art of Being Enough
I hit the ground running when I got back in February and have had a heck of a time keeping all the balls in the air. I often feel as though I do not do ENOUGH (read: I am not enough) so I write myself a list of things I have done instead of a list of things yet to do-which is a long list as well. Then, when I see the DONE list I begin to understand why I am overwhelmed, exhausted and struggling to remember the WHY of this journey. I need to actually PAINT with no agenda, end product or audience if I am going to keep showing up for any of it. The only thing that sadly isn’t on the following list.
Over the last two months I have:
Struggled with the steep learning curve and tech set up to film and edit instructional videos for Painting with Fire’s online Master Class - all by myself. (FYI Don’t forget to sign up for that before early bird pricing ends.)
Offered and taught a flurry of studio workshops-some full—some not.
Brought back my middle school girls into the studio for weekly sessions.
Authored a 19 page technique article for Wax Fusion Magazine (and I made the cover) due to come out in the next few days. I will announce on Instagram.
Been approached by a film maker to be in a mini-documentary and started the process of preparing art and the studio for filming.
Had a piece accepted into a the ‘Changing the Narration’ IEA show the Pacific Art League in Palo Alto, CA AND will be doing an online artist talk with several of the artists this Saturday, March 31st at 10am PST
Applied for a another residency in Ireland.
Been awarded a grant from the Ford Family foundation for documenting and cataloging my collection.
Shuffled ART FOR SALE to clients homes and businesses. Including new work at Cafe Rowen.
Have applied for and been rejected for other shows, grants, fellowships and galleries.
Prepared to present and teach at the International Encaustic Conference in Provincetown IF my workshop fills.
Continued to maintain my social media, website and all the other marketing required to keep the lights on. I suppose I can now add newsletter and blog to the list.
And don’t forget: Life and Taxes
This isn’t meant to be a brag OR a bitch list, nor is it something to compare yourself to— The point here It is to share what is happening on the inside, despite all of these incredible opportunities and dare I say ‘successes’. One of my favorite sayings is ‘Don’t compare your insides to someone else’s outsides.’ Yet I struggle to follow this advice myself. I compare and continuously judge myself inadequate while chasing something/everything and fear that I am at risk for losing something even more valuable in the process. These moving targets of opportunities, expectations and achievements can be exhilarating, affirming and still exhausting. This is an attempt to both share and to acknowledge that as artists we do so much more than joyfully make art or throw paint around all day. We work hard, we struggle, we doubt, we succeed and we fail. We are rejected more often than accepted-often by our own expectations and self criticism. There is no one way, right path or some 10 step plan to be a successful artist—that-my dear one’s—is an inside job.
Be gentle, make a mark and move some paint.
